


50 Shades Of Noah: A Story of many Personalities in one very Insane Boy

by KennyFucker



Category: South Park
Genre: Gay Sex, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Multi, Original Character(s), Other, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 17,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KennyFucker/pseuds/KennyFucker
Summary: Noah is obsessed with South Park, and his slowly declining mental state causes a shift in his reality making fiction hard to tell from real life. Join Noah for his search for the mythical Kenny McCormick.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Part One : The Beginning

Noah was a very messed up boy. He often visited a therapist for issues regarding his multiple personalities. He named each of them, who had their own special features. His personalities were hallucinations Noah had each day. The boy saw them all as people. They were his friends. He would hang out with his personalities as friends, and he would posses their traits when he was with them. Noah was insane.

First there was Robin. He was the confused one. When Noah spent time with him, they had fun laughing and making sexual jokes. To other people, it appeared that Noah was in a confused state of panic. Noah would repeat one word. “What?”. No one knew what he wanted or how to stop this, but he would be like this for hours.

Next was Percy. He portrayed anger. Not just being mad when somebody stepped on your foot, but a searing hot anger that coursed through Noah’s body for hours. Noah of course, didn’t know this. When hanging out with Percy, Noah imagines having fun with a boy who is sexually attracted to pans. In reality, anyone around Noah would have to restrain him due to his rage of fury and his growing need to punch everybody in the room. 

After Percy was Peter. Peter was… something Noah was not. For some reason, being around Peter didn’t have much of an affect on Noah’s personality. Peter was calm. He was chill. When it did affect Noah, it affected majorly. It gave him similar effects to heroin, as others thought Noah was… floating. The calmness in his body led to a lighter-than-air sensation. Peter was Noah’s best friend. Did I mention that Noah was only 13 years of age? Noah and Peter were the biggest pranksters around each other. When Noah was with Peter, it made for a good day. Noah wasn’t freaking out in the real world, and in his messed up little mind, he was happy.

Next was another Peter. Since Noah already had a “Peter” stored in his brain, he preferred to call him by his last name, Murtagh. Murtagh was the only personality with a last name and there is a good reason why. Murtagh was Noah’s childhood best friend when he was around five or six. No one knows what happened to him, but one day Noah was informed that Murtagh had mysteriously died. This left Noah feeling empty. That’s what Murtagh is in Noah’s little dream world. Emptiness. So when Noah would talk to Murtagh, he would rarely respond. Even in Noah's head. This was probably the scariest personality to experience when around Noah. He would stop suddenly, then curl up on the ground, barely breathing. No one can ever put him out of his trance. He would just have to wait until Murtagh was gone.

Then there was his fifth and final personality, which was Denise. She is what made Noah weird. There was this lacking of nonsensical behavior from Noah. He was too normal, to uniform to the norms of society, so he created a personality for himself. It was to make him weirder, less boring. It was Denise. She kept Noah from following instructions in school, and doing what everyone else was doing. Noah was often seen to society as a basket case when he was around Denise. He would subconsciously mutter odd phrases in different languages. Denise often caused Noah to start maniacally laughing at very bad times. She caused Noah to laugh among the crying at his grandmother’s funeral, and often, Noah walks back and forth with a creepy smile clutching at his hair.

Everyone that Noah has ever befriended has left him, well everyone except for one. He was in a constant state of swapping between his real world and the fictional one in his mind. He couldn’t tell which one was which for the most part. There was one boy who didn’t seem to have a personality connected to him. That left Noah thinking, can I have a real friend? His name was Kenny McCormick, and he never left Noah. 

He’s just a figment of your imagination. They all are.  
Noah believed it. Everything his mind said to him, Noah believed it.  
Nobody likes you, nobody talks to you. You’re just messed up, kid.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle explores the "fictional" world.

Noah in his fictional world was very different from the real Noah. The fictional life was amazing, but Noah didn’t actually know Kenny in it. Noah loved a television show called South Park. The thought of Kenny in the real world, at the back of Noah’s head sparked the idea of the show. He was a genius, Noah was. If all the ideas Noah has in his fictional world could be interpreted in the real one, he would be world famous. A writer, a poet, an actor, too bad he was just a lunatic. Was just a lunatic. Noah could actually go to school in his dream world, he could have friends. He could finish courses unlike the countless hours of therapy he undergoes in reality. His real and fictional world usually run parallel to each other, just in different locations.

In his dream world, Noah plays the trumpet. He’s quite good at it too actually. In the fictional world is where he hangs around with all his emotions.They all joke around with him and it’s actually not a bad life. Noah often fanboys about Kenny, and writes dark poems describing flashbacks from his real life. Nobody knows about Noah’s multiple personalities in his dream world except for a select number of people, including Kenny and his parents. He lives the life of a normal kid, which is next to impossible when you have severe mental illnesses. 

In his real world, he is confined to therapists and mental institutions. Noah hasn’t been to school since he was six, shortly after Murtagh died. His mental state started rapidly deteriorating, and his parents had no choice but to send him off. He lived at ‘GreenWood Institute for the Kids of the Clinically Insane’ up until he turned ten, which then he moved to an institute for teens. It wasn’t much better, actually it got a lot worse. Noah hates it with so much passion, that he has tried to escape nineteen times, but Noah doesn’t know that. Since he spends most of his time in his fictional universe, the escapes are just the countless times Noah has snuck out of school. Noah has to attend hours of therapy each and every day, but it’s usually only two halves of a conversation because Noah is almost always talking to his own personalities instead of the therapist. The doctors have diagnosed Noah with multi-personality disorder as well as schizophrenia, severe anxiety, and depression, but none of these seem to pinpoint the problem Noah has. 

The odd thing about the two dimensions is that Noah has a completely different inventory in the two of them. The only thing that seems to be transferred between the two worlds is a black notebook. Noah wrote everything that happened to him down in the notebook to keep track of what happened to him because he could never seem to remember.

But Noah kept the notebook well hidden. In it listed all the adventures of Noah and his personalities. We’ve found the notebook.

And we’re going to describe it to you.


	3. Three- Fictional

Noah, Percy, Robin, and Denise decided it would be a good idea to form a band quartet. Bad idea, but they decided to stick with it. Their music teacher, Mr. Music-Teacher was the biggest ass in the history of existence, so of course he said no to the four of them being in a music group together. Noah decided that he didn’t care for what the music teacher said so he just walked out of the classroom. Denise and Robin followed him while Percy stayed to record Mr. Music-Teacher freaking out about Noah’s ‘level of disrespect’.

“Oi it’s the insane psycho loser!”, said one of Noah’s classmates. Noah didn’t like him too much, so he did what the average logical, not insane person would do. He punched him in the face, hard, because that’s the way Noah rolls. Denise and Robin went with Noah and walked out the front doors of the school. 

At this time of year, it was nearing Christmas, so it was fairly frigid outside. Noah didn’t care, his senses stopped properly functioning years ago. Ever since Murtagh died, he hardly felt anything. All his emotions are his friends except for Murtagh. Sometimes Noah sees Murtagh as a dark shadow in the corner of a room. A shadow that no one else ever seems to notice. The shadow hardly moves but when it does, it flows freely. The darkness drips like syrup down the wall. Noah has never seen the face of the shadow, but somewhere at the back of his mind… he knows it’s Murtagh, watching him from behind the grave.

“What’s with you today?”, asked Robin, who noticed the fact that Noah kept looking behind his shoulder every couple of seconds. Noah, who noticed a strange dark shadow lurking behind the frosted grass trailing them, pointed at the shadow before looking at Robin with wide eyes. Robin, who didn’t see anything strange, looked confused and snuck a glance at Denise. She looked back at Robin and shrugged.

“I dunno, I'm supposed to be in english writing that speech i’m never gonna finish”. It was true. They had gotten excused from english class, taught by Mrs. English-Teacher, to ask Mr. Music-Teacher about the band quartet that they wanted to create. But of course they had to get rejected, and they had to throw a hissy-fit and walk out of school. Whatever. They finished the rest of their walk, not talking to each other. Robin and Denise occasionally shared a concerned look every time Noah looked behind him.

They finished their walk around the neighbourhood back at their school, just in time for the end of last period. They managed to miss math, with Ms. Math-Teacher, history, with Mr. History-Teacher, and science, with Miss. Science-Teacher. Now they joined art class for the last five minutes of the school day. When their art teacher, Mrs. Colester, asked where they’ve been, they just shrugged and walked to their respective seats. Noah looked at the empty seat beside him and sighed. There was one personality that never seemed to be in his dream world. The one who represented… Noah didn’t even know. Noah has never experienced the emotion since he has never met the holder of the emotion. He asked around the school for him but no one seemed to know who or where he was.

No one in his fictional world knew anyone by the name of Kenny McCormick, and that bothered Noah greatly.

As Noah walked home he started pondering, and for someone like Noah, thinking was dangerous. He started thinking about who Kenny was and why no one knew who he was. Was he going crazy in his dream world? His fictional world was his ‘safe haven’. It was supposed to be a place where he could act as a normal teenager, where he wasn’t crazy. But was he? Was he going crazy?

Sometimes he would get little flashbacks of this guy. He sensed that it might be Kenny. Not very often, but sometimes, sometimes he would hear a muffled voice, or a blur of orange with a tuft of blond hair. It would usually appear right before Noah fell asleep causing him to bullet out of bed in fright. Kenny. Noah has never met him, but he wants to spend more time with him than anyone else in the entire universe. 

Kenny is love.  
Kenny was life.


	4. Four- Reality

The sound of blaring alarms was the first thing Noah heard when he snapped out of his ‘daydream’. That’s what the psychiatrists called his little episodes. He often heard his many doctors talking about his other life. It was only two doctors that studied profusely on his ‘daydreams’.

“It’s not possible for him to be thinking about something. The brain activity spikes up, it overloads, he probably just thinks of a white space”. That’s Dr. Saul. He never believes Noah when he recites all the stories and adventures he’s had with his friends. Dr. Saul is the main neuro-expert in Noah's case. He monitors Noah’s brain activity when he goes into a ‘daydream’. Dr. Saul is the boss of a neuro-student named Jamie, who is Noah’s favourite doctor because Jamie actually listens. Jamie believes all of Noah’s absurd stories.

“Have you heard his stories, Dr. Saul? They are so intricate. There is no way he could have made it up. This kid is a genius, he functions half a brain at a time and separates real and fiction into different parts. His ‘real’ half of his brain shuts down when he is in his dreamworld, but both brain parts work in the real world. He can’t remember anything of the real world in his dream world! I think that’s fascin-”

“Oh, shut up son! That’s ridiculous” Noah snorted. Dr. Saul was an asswipe.

Noah’s thoughts got interrupted by the sirens once again. Even though Jamie said that he should be able to remember what happens in his dream world when he's in the real world, sometimes Noah can’t remember what happens at all, but usually he gets a little flashback a couple hours after he exits his dream world. Noah also often gets flashbacks of what happens in the real world while he's in the fictional world, even though Jamie said that was impossible. It's confusing as shit. 

Noah was in a stopped car. The car was stopped at a building and Noah had suitcases with his belongings in them. He looked out the tinted window to see what was outside. On the building read a sign ‘Rosedale Mental Institution’. Noah’s eyes widened. Rosedale wasn't a normal mental institution, Rosedale was an institution for the criminally insane. What did he do? 

Noah was screaming and crying. No one could help him. He was so angry but acting confusingly weird at the same time. Then suddenly he stopped. Completely stopped. He grinned wider than thought possible and slightly tilted his head towards the wall on his left. Then, quick, in smooth cat-like motions, he lept towards the bedside table and reached for the bowl that held his breakfast. Acting faster than anyone could stop, Noah smashed it on the ground and walked out of his cell like he owned the place, the whole time in a trance-like state, clutching the shard of broken ceramic in his hand. 

The hair was shook out of the eyes of the insane boy who realized what he did next in the fictional world he created for himself. He remembers what he did to the boy who insulted him. Noah sulked into his chair as his eyes grazed the building facing him. 

All the staff and some other patients of ‘Riverside Institute for Troubled Teens’ watched in horror as Noah walked confidently through the East wing of the building. With the broken bowl fragment in his hand, Noah approached his therapist, who currently had his back turned to file paperwork. With quick thrusting motions, almost like punches, the sharp bit punctured his upper abdomen and chest. Nobody helped him. Most were shocked and in disbelief. Some were curious on why the boy used sudden actions instead of the usual graceful plunge often used to kill. 

“Someone get the anesthesia!”

Noah sat in the vehicle with his head in his hands. He allowed a single tear slip out of his misty eyes. Just one, it was always just one tear. It was an accident! Robin was altering his perception, he made Noah confused and unaware of what he was doing. 

Noah’s lawyer looked through the city files for one that read ‘Robin Jun’. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked through the ‘J’ section for the third time. There was nothing on Robin no matter how much Noah insisted. Many people have told the man not to take the case, that Noah was nothing but an insane murderer. But that's not true. Noah isn't a psychopath, he's a nineteen year old boy with his whole life ahead of him. The law graduate allowed his eyes to gaze over the diploma framed on his office wall. There's nothing else he can do. He has just killed the future of a teen.


	5. Five- Fictional

Noah really didn't want to go to school today. He felt horrible about himself. How foolish was he to think that Kenny was a real person? He’s a famous fictional character from South Park, not Noah’s friend. But boy, Noah thought he was hot. It's almost like Noah’s mind had created the perfect boy for Noah to fantasize over, got so close to making Kenny in his class in school, but decided to make him famous. Kenny is just out of Noah’s reach and it pains him. Something about Kenny… it's almost like-- NO! It can't be. Kenny can't be real. Kenny is just an emotion. A personality. 

Noah managed to drag himself out of bed to the breakfast table. His parents weren't there. They never were. The lonely boy ignored the pain in his chest when he realized that his parents could have died months ago without him noticing. He felt different as he walked the twisted sidewalk to school. It almost felt like all his feelings were vacuumed out of him. Noah didn't notice a dark shadow creeping around the swaying blades of grass around him. 

“Hey man!”, Peter exclaimed happily. Noah became very paranoid. Why was he happy? He's not supposed to be happy! He's Peter! He has to be chill! Noah isn't supposed to have a happy personality! That's not how it works! Is the world ending?! NONONONO! 

“Noa, honey, are you okay? You're sweating and shaking!”, Denise pointed out. Noah started to panic even more. Why is Denise caring? She is supposed to be weird and stupid! Isn't Noah a girl's name? She called me honey! Does she like me? She does know I’m gay right? Noah turned pale as his five friends looked at him worried. Then he passed out. 

Overwhelming anxiety was not an uncommon thing for Noah. He couldn't escape all his mental health issues just by creating a new world for himself. That would be too easy. Imagine it as walking down a long road with a backpack full of heavy clean slates. Now imagine your old, lighter, used slates laying in piles around the road. Eventually the weight of the clean slates becomes too much and you have to swap it with a lighter, used slate. The backpack would be the equivalent to Noah’s made up world in his head. Over time his real life seeps into his fictional one when the pressure of being normal becomes too much. 

Noah woke up at Robin’s house, completely and utterly confused. Noah sat up and looked around. He assumed Robin was in the next room due to the soft playing of The South Park Movie in the background. The hazy boy’s ears perked up when he heard a certain muffled voice come through. Noah quickly rushed over to the next room to see Kenny on the television take his hood off. The lovestruck boy’s eyes almost bulged out of his head as Kenny talked. Robin looked at him weirdly before offering him popcorn. He got no response. Noah was already out the door. 

Noah ran as fast as his little legs would take him to Peter’s place. 

“Peter, I need your help. Please”.


	6. Six- Reality

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

Noah heard something like the wind blowing a tree towards the car window. Quite frankly, it was pissing him off. 

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

Noah groaned and tucked his head deeper into his arms. One more time and he'll go up and snap the branch right off the tree. 

Tap. Tap… Tap…… 

Finally! It stopped. Noah was extremely relieved. The wind must of stopped. 

… Tap… TapTapTapTapTap.. 

Quick taps that Noah felt through the window set him off. Noah snapped his head up and slowly peered out the window. He saw a flash of orange and then a sign. 

‘My name is Kenny. I'm here to get you out of here. Follow me do everything I say. First of all, open this goddamn door! “

Noah stared out the window in awe before finally coming to his senses. He slowly tried to lift a hand to wave at Kenny, only to discover that his wrists were handcuffed together. Awesome. Real attractive Noah. Perfect first impression. First impression? Noah has surely met Kenny before hasn’t he? He slowly opened the door with his attached hands and stepped out of the car. He opened his mouth to scream at Kenny for practically kidnapping him, but he got interrupted by Kenny himself.

“SHH!! They’ll hear you kid! My boyfriend, Noah, is waiting for us in the parking lot behind the building”. Noah crooked his neck up when he heard the name.

“You're boyfriend took my name pal…”, Noah mumbled looking annoyed. He shuffled his feet behind Kenny into the parking lot. 

The car ride was pretty boring. Noah thought other Noah, who will now be called Broflovski, was alright but he would not stop complaining about Christmas spirit. Broflovski was just a bitter Jew at Christmas time, not that Noah hated Jews or anything, he just liked holiday spirit. Broflovski didn’t seem stereotypically gay or anything but Kenny, Kenny was a flaming homosexual. Noah started thinking of ways to escape. He could jump out the window, but he would probably get caught by Kenny… or die. He could open the door, roll out and climb up a tree, but again, Kenny would probably catch him… or he would fall out of the tree and die. Any option would lead to Noah being caught, or death. Thinking about it, Noah doesn’t actually mind death. It wouldn’t actually be too bad. No more mental asylums, no more therapists, no more people looking at him like he was mental. But death meant no more Kenny…

It’s alright. Kenny had a boyfriend. He didn’t need Noah, Kenny would be happier without him anyways.

Noah shook his head so that his hair fell in his eyes. No, he couldn’t die. If he died, all his friends would be gone. All the emotions that lived in his head, his only friend, they would disintegrate into nothing. Robin and Petar. Percy, and even Murtagh. None of them would have ever existed, and he couldn’t do that. Noah couldn’t do that to his friends. 

But… but Noah didn’t have friends.


	7. Seven- Fictional

Noah laid awake on his bed, frozen in paranoia. He looked around his room, watching the figures on his posters and paintings morph into the contents of his worst nightmares. Shaking and sweating with fear, he slowly pulled the covers off him as Murtagh slid down the wall like paint. Just seeing Murtagh made Noah suddenly stop what he was doing. His eyes were glazed over and distant, but alert. All the posters fell off the walls and the glass of his mirror shattered.

He then went downstairs and grabbed a kitchen knife ready to stab himself in the heart.

Noah began to sob he couldn’t witness being insane any more. He plunged the knife into his body falling to the ground. Noah was dead and so were his friends. Forever.

Noah shot out of bed screaming. The glass in his room was intact and the posters were still on Noah’s wall. He couldn’t take it. This was supposed to be Noah’s good life, the one where he wasn’t insane. This was his dream world, his escape, yet he still felt his sanity slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. There really was no point to living. Maybe his dream wasn’t a nightmare, but a guidance rather. It was the figure above telling him to do something with his life, after all Noah was clinically insane, not some sadistic fuckface asswipe who pretends to be insane for entertainment. 

Noah stayed locked away in his room for the next few days. Both Robin and Peter tried countless times to get him out, but with no result. Often, Murtagh visited Noah. He would be lurking in a corner or under Noah’s bed. Noah used to think that Murtagh would hide in the shadows, which was creepy, but he now knows the truth. Murtagh doesn’t hide in the shadows, Murtagh is the shadows. There were countless incidents of Noah sweating and shaking under the covers, cowering in fear and anxiety. Panic surged through his veins as full blown anxiety attacks hit the boy. Many would feel sorry for him. Many didn't know of the bottle of Lorazepam only a few feet away, which Noah refused to take.

His mother often worried about him. It wasn't his real mother though. It was the fictional one Noah had created in his head. His real mother, if not dead, would probably be whoring herself out on the streets, getting drug money from men and women alike. Noah never liked his real mother for she would often neglect him. At first he thought it was a good idea to make his dream mother perfect. She was so kind and caring, the exact opposite of the real one. Noah thought it would make him feel better, to have the mother he has always dreamed of having. In truth, it only makes him more depressed realizing how fucked up his life has become. His fake mom, no matter how nice, could never fill the human sized hole in his heart.

His dreams became torturous, often reminding him of the life he could not have. Sometimes they were very complex, something that at first seemed odd, but hid a greater meaning. An analogy Noah deciphered when he woke up. It often made him shed a tear or two. Those, he could handle. The simple ones were the most. There was one that Noah simply despised. It was just a clip that lasted seconds. A mother and son, holding ice-cream on a warm spring day. The green tree leaves in the background with the sun peeking through. Bicycles moving in the background, people walking by. The mother and son would throw their head back laughing like they've just heard the funniest thing in the world. The light would shine off their teeth every time they did it. No matter how many times it played in the hours Noah slept, each time still hurt Noah the same, if not more. Each and every single time sent a deep pang and a sense of longing through the lonely boy. Noah would give the world-- Noah would give both his worlds just to do that just once. Just to laugh with his mom. His real mom

Noah sat up, knowing he would have to get up eventually. He opened his door to reveal Peter, who looked like he was just about to knock.

“Not now Peter, what you need can wait!” Noah raced down the stairs suddenly realizing what he needed. “Once again Peter, I need your help.”


	8. Eight- Reality

As soon as the car stopped, Kenny jumped out, taking Noah with him by the wrist. They ran with Broflovski right behind them until they reached a house, isolated in the small grouping of Colorado mountain towns. Noah noticed something strange when Kenny finally let go of his hand, but decided not to bring it up. Kenny decided to give Noah a house tour to make him more comfortable with his surroundings. 

“And this is your room.”, Kenny ended the long tour. It was a pretty decent sized house. Noah didn't want Kenny to leave. Kenny was heading towards the door when he got interrupted.

“Wait!” Noah remembered the thing he saw earlier and decided to question the blond about it. Kenny slowly walked back to the bed, which Noah sat on, and waited patiently for Noah to speak. They were in a chilly mountain town and Kenny was dressed how he always was, in his orange parka. Sometimes he would pull up the hood so that nothing showed but his eyes and strands of long hair. Noah slowly lifted the left sleeve of Kenny’s parka up, revealing a single imperfection, a scar. A fully healed scar then ran down from elbow to wrist on the inside of Kenny’s forearm. The older boy looked away uncomfortably until his eyes looked back at Noah's green ones, clouded over with tears.

“You- You tried to kill yourself!” Noah looked almost happy, maybe he really was insane. Kenny looked at him with the ‘no shit sherlock’ look, almost laughed with disbelief at the ignorance of the boy. Kenny hardly noticed Broflovski walking into the room.

“Oh right! Your arm surgery! I forgot about that!” Broflovski said with a smile. Kenny brought his hand to his forehead and sighed deeply. Noah flopped back onto the bed as Broflovski continued to grin, running a hand through his out of control, red hair. What an idiot.

“No you dumbsht! I only said that so you wouldn’t say anything!” Kenny tugged at his hair dumbfounded. Noah stared into knowing eyes as Kenny became frustrated and stormed out of the room. Broflovski stood silently at the entrance of the room and stared at his shoes. 

“I'm not gay.”, Broflovski finally whispered, voice cracking mid sentence. Noah tilted his head up as a silent plea to expand the thought. “He was just so lonely. I thought I was, gay of course, but after our first kiss… I knew I wasn't.”

“It was my first kiss. I had no idea what to do.”, Broflovski laughed, his eyes sparkling with tears. He kept his head held high, reminiscing the past. “I remember, Kenny was a lot more experienced than I was, so he let me experiment on him. The first time, I leaned in, and smacked my nose right into his. He was my best friend, and I was the only person he had at the time. Fresh out of a poor family, he was, so we ran away.”

Broflovski walked away. Noah could hear him admitting his true feelings to Kenny just under his feet. Poor guy. A couple moments of silence, followed by a door slam was all Noah heard clearly. Noah decided to raid the medicine cabinets to see if the pair owned any Lorazepam. All he found was Xanax, but that was good enough. They were basically the same thing anyways. Noah did not always like to take medication to calm his anxiety. He didn't like the feeling of a crash after the meds wore off. It was like opening the floodgates to anxiety. When he did take the medication, he would always take the recommended dosage… then several more. It wasn’t like Noah took the medication to get high, but if he needed the medication, why not get high?

Noah spent a good part of the rest of his day woozy. If he felt the effects go down, he would just take more pills. The brunette always had an attack right after coming down from a high, and he had run out of pills. There he laid, pace down under the covers, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Slowly he felt like there was something creeping up on him. Then all of his senses become hyper aware. He felt the world slow down in front of him, blurry from the speed which he was moving at. Noah panicked as he felt every nerve and sensor in his body collide with the unfamiliar sheets, every taste bud in his mouth wet with his saliva. All the little sounds Broflovski made while cooking became painfully amplified. His eyes noticed every single little thing, from the little splotches of dirt on the window, to every shade of the mountains beyond the window. It wasn’t long before tears started pouring out of Noah’s eyes and his tormented screams echoed around the empty room.

These are the days where Noah really wants to kill himself. Everyday is a struggle for him, constantly weaving in and out of two worlds. Constantly being picked on by the little things that didn’t matter. These are the days where everything Noah has ever feared crawls out of the hole they lived in just to make Noah’s life miserable. The insane soul laid in his bed for hours, watching as the sky became dark and the stars that littered the sky like freckles came up. 

Noah never took the time to get clinically diagnosed with insomnia. He didn’t want to put a name to it. Noah didn’t want to believe that he had trouble sleeping. It was more that he had better things to think about, and he couldn’t sleep when his brain was all empty. Noah quite enjoyed having a window next to his bed. He liked looking at the stars, how they shone so bright. They could all already be dead, but no one would know for years. Sometimes, when Noah couldn’t sleep, he would think about all the people he hated lined up into one big row. Then he imagined a truck crashing right into them. Most of the time it was a complete stranger driving, but sometimes, when Noah was really mad, Noah would picture himself behind the wheel of his father’s old pick-up.

The boy’s thoughts got abruptly interrupted by his own bedroom door opening then shutting. It was completely dark, but Noah didn’t mind getting murdered. He just laid there pretending he was asleep. He heard the figure sigh, then fabric hit the ground. Then, Noah felt the body climbing into bed beside him and snuggling into his body. Noah felt soft hair as Kenny’s head found his chest. This was so gay. Noah couldn't but wonder what Kenny was doing at 2 am, smelling of alcohol and piss. He was a fourteen year old boy in a small mountain town for god's sake. Noah meant to ask, but he fell asleep to the sound of Kenny’s muffled sobs before he got the chance.


	9. Nine- Fictional

Noah was never the type to get help when he needed it. That's why Peter didn’t believe it the first time Noah admitted that he needed help. Noah was closed minded and liked keeping to himself. When Peter first heard of Noah’s desire to find Kenny McCormick of South Park, he laughed. Peter tried explaining to Noah that Kenny wasn’t a real person, that Kenny was played by an actor but Noah wouldn’t have it. Noah insisted that Kenny Mccormick was a real person who lived in a small Colorado mountain town. Peter being the chill person he was, agreed to travel to Colorado with Noah to make him happy. Noah’s mom, being the perfect mother she was, decided to let Noah go on his own, fully paid for with Peter. What a life.

“You’re holding the map upside down!” Peter tried to reason with Noah but just ended up yelling at him. They've travelled hundreds of kilometres from their home in Canada to the mountains of Colorado. They didn't find anything but a big building which they entered. 

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find Kenny McCormick?”, Noah asked a man inside the building politely. They even had a water fountain that was two stories high! The man gave them a confused look then chuckled.

“I'm sorry kid, Kenny is not real. He’s just from a TV series called South Park. We film it here.” Noah stared at him with a blank face. No! That can be true. Noah senses that Kenny was real, that he had talked to Kenny before. It was impossible that Kenny wasn’t real! Noah had vague memories of speaking and joking with him. Peter and Noah left the studio in disappointment and regret. They had travelled all the way to Colorado for this? 

Noah spoke to Peter on the plane grimly. “Dude! I swear i’ve talked to him! He’s a real person with real memories.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream? That happens sometimes with, you know, ones that you remember well,” Peter took a puff of smoke from a cigarette. Could be weed, Noah never knew. Why not get high, it’s almost as if Noah had said that before.

“No he was real,” Noah whisper-shouted at Peter, while tugging at his hair almost hard enough to rip out. “He has to be, i don’t think I could live with myself if he wasn’t.”

“It kind of sounds like you’re attracted to him or something man, I dunno.”

Noah stayed silent after that.

Noah tossed his travel bag up onto his bed. No. Kenny was real. KENNY WAS REAL! No matter how many times Noah told that to himself, it just didn’t seem true. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Noah knew that Kenny was real, hidden in the dark places of his brain. The real places. In the real, shitty world, Kenny existed to Noah. In this world, Kenny was just a made up being from someone’s imagination. Almost like Noah’s brain played god and took away the most precious part of Noah’s real world when Noah was in his ‘perfect’ world. But, why? There were always way too many questions but too few answers.

Noah met up with Percy at a local café. It seemed like Noah was getting crazier by the minute for the second time. Why was such a curse riddled upon him? If he goes completely mad in this world, would he create a third world for himself? Or would it be more because he could make another world from the real one to the second fake one. Would his real world stay the real world? Noah was so distracted by his thoughts that he didn’t notice Percy frantically waving his hand in front of Noah’s face. He only acknowledged His friend when Percy’s hand accidentally nicked the end of his nose. 

“Hey watch it dude!” Noah sounded genuinely pissed when he spat his comment at Percy. Percy, who was taken aback by the rudeness of his friend, frowned. There was obviously something wrong that happened to Noah, making him irritable and bitter.

Percy sighed. “Noah, i’m sorry. I just want you to know that we're always here for you and we’ll stand by you for whatever you deci--”

“Yea, yea, yea, you care for me and la de la de da. It's just that repetitive bullshit I hear from everyone.” Noah sighed annoyed. This was everything that he heard in the real world. It brought back all the sick memories of his family and, at the time, friends. Everyone told Noah that they would be there for him but when Noah really needed them, they all left him. The next time Noah saw them, they were kicking dirt in his face and calling him names. Don’t make friends. Don’t fall in love. Trust no one. It was a mantra Noah lived by.

“You know what? I’m just gonna go.” Noah took his bag and tucked in his chair, while releasing another deep sigh. “See ya later… I guess.”


	10. Ten- Reality

It was almost midnight when Kenny McCormick slid down the floor of his bathroom. He was alone now, no one would bother him so he could work on his masterpiece. Broflovski went out and never came back. It crushed Kenny like a truck. His best friend pretended to love him because he was lonely. It made Kenny feel like shit, and it sent pangs straight through his heart. How could someone do something that cruel? Faking love, Kenny could understand, but faking sexuality! Was Kenny that much of a loser? 

Noah on the other hand, Noah was still in his room. Kenny didn’t have to worry about him interrupting because well, Noah wouldn’t respond to anything. He just sits in his chair with a lopsided smile and doesn’t move. He was acting super chill and Kenny had absolutely no idea why. Kenny wasn’t worried though. Noah did come from a mental institution after all. 

Kenny McCormick was never the ‘cool kid’. He came from a poor family, and got away with wearing a parka everyday in the cold mountain town of South Park. Kenny always had problems with confidence and the way he looked, as well as issues with anxiety. At the age of nine, Kenny convinced himself that no one was capable of loving him. His parents were redneck hillbillies, and his friends did nothing but make fun of him. Broflovski and Kenny met so long ago, neither of them remembered when. But this was probably the end.

Kenny hardly had any alone time to work on his art, since Broflovski was always with him. Now that he was gone, Kenny had all the time in the world. Reaching over to the very bottom drawer, he took out a small precision knife, one made for carving precise patterns into wood. Kenny never used it for wood. Lifting up his left sleeve, he looked over the single flaw made all those years ago. Lifting the opposite sleeve, Kenny revealed his work. It was almost finished. His inner forearm was split into three sections, each with a sentence over them.

Who I was…

Who I am…

Who I could be…

Each and every letter was individually carved with a blade and scarred over, and topped off with a fancy font. Under the words, Kenny carved in pictures to match. Every intricate detail was made with the knife that laid in his hand. Out the door Kenny ran until he got to his spot. Know one knew about this place, not even Broflovski. It was a little flat land in the mountains where a swing set was built. It was long abandoned now so Kenny claimed it for himself. He held the comfortable weight of the knife in his hand as he looked over his arm, adding to the patterns already there.

Who I was…  
A boy wrapped in a parka and blankets sat outside a run down house with his head hanging down. Inside the house, two silhouettes were fighting, supposedly about money, no one but Kenny knew. Across the street, there were children from the local school, pointing and laughing. The poor kid. The one all donations go to. Sitting on the front porch wearing ripped clothes, the boy stared at the ground hoping for a better future as the autumn leaves blew down the street.

Who I am…  
The same boy had grown. Bigger and taller. Hand in hand with another boy, they fled their hometown, leaving the small fraction of the world they knew behind them. They didn’t run with courage, they ran with fear. The boy, still wrapped in an overworn parka, ran from the shadows and monsters that haunted his nightmares. No one knew. Living in a world of fright, the boy was running for his life, never returning to face his old one. He dragged along the boy in his arms. They ran and ran until the monsters turned to trees and the sun turned to stars. 

Who I could be…   
There was a boy who wasn’t afraid to be himself. He wasn’t afraid of talking to people because that boy was beautiful. Breaking free from the chains that constricted him all his life, the boy once again left his old life behind him. He was at the end of his journey. This boy was done with running. This particular boy would let nothing get in his way. He saw himself as just the person he wanted to be, the boy he dreamed of all his life. When Kenny McCormick was little and his parents got in fights, he imagined himself as a superhero coming to save the day. This boy was Kenny’s superhero. Standing on top of a big podium, this boy had his head held high and a smile wider than Canada. This is who he could be…

Kenny looked at the excess details made in the last hour. Droplets of blood escaped and ran down his arm, collecting until it could drop onto the ground and be free. In the mere sixty minutes Kenny was here, he managed to create an impressive pool of blood on the dry dirt. The ground was stained red with the countless drops of blood. Kenny looked at the scars on his arm. They were probably the only true thing of beauty on his entire body. How much he wished he could grow into the third boy, every single night he wishes it on a star. Kenny looked up at the stars above him and closed his eyes, imagining a world of perfection. He opened his eyes back on his arm and watched the beautiful scars. The white ones appeared silver in the moonlight reflecting off of it. The fresh ones Kenny had done just now are bubbling tiny droplets of blood that form along each mark. Everyone asked the same thing when they see it,

“Did it hurt?”

The logical thing for Kenny to say would of course be, yes. Truthfully, no, it didn’t hurt. Kenny hardly felt it. Kenny didn’t really feel anything those days. He looked down at the ground for… God knows how long. Could’ve been hours or maybe just seconds. Kenny heard the swing beside him squeak, and he jumped in surprise. Sighing in relief, Kenny raised an eyebrow at Noah who sat on the swing next to Kenny.

“Are you alright?” Noah asked, looking into the sad eyes of Kenny.

Kenny gave a confused look back at Noah “Yea, why wouldn’t I be”

Noah motioned his head towards the alarming pool of blood below Kenny. Oh yea. Kenny had forgotten about that. His mind was racing at a billion kilometres an hour. Noah was in his spot. No one was supposed to know about this. Without thinking, Kenny leaned in and kissed Noah right there and right then. Kenny didn’t realize what he was doing until he pulled back with wide eyes.

“I am so sorry! I shouldn’t have. I thought you were Broflo--”

“It’s ok.”, Noah reassured the blond. “I think I liked it.


	11. Eleven- Fictional

“You know what Peter?” Noah sat laying on the roof of his house with all his friends. They decided to have a sleepover after realizing how much stress Noah was experiencing. It was true. Often in the shower, Noah would accidentally rip out clumps of hair. 

“What now Noah?” Peter looked very annoyed while grabbing the chips from Robin’s side. Everyone else was sleeping except for the pair, Noah and Peter. This was the fourth time that Noah had interrupted Peter’s slumber, and the Serbian dude couldn't bother with trying to fall back asleep.

“You know Kenny?” Peter blew an over exaggerated sigh over in Noah’s direction. “No! Dude I'm serious. Oi seriously you idiot, listen to me. Kenny is real and I know it. Fake people don't get to you. Kenny burrowed a way into my heart and he refused to come out. I'm telling you Peter KENNY IS REAL! SO SCREW YOU”

“Wow Noah! I never knew you felt that way!” There was sarcasm in there, Noah didn't notice it. “I never knew…”

Peter’s eyes filled with tears. “I never knew you… You THOUGHT OF ME AS A IDIOT”

Noah’s sad eyes turned dark. Peter’s laughs would have woken up the whole town! A heavy lidded Robin looked up, and went directly back to sleep. Noah, illuminated by the stars above, crawled over across the rooftop to Peter. Then he smiled, and smacked him straight across the face. Bitch. Peter looked up and opened his mouth a few times, but quickly closed it, resembling a fish. 

“You know what Peter? You forgot something,” Noah talked quietly but creepily. The moonlight reflected on the teeth exposed by his creepy smile. Peter was literally shaking in fear. This has never happened before. As Noah was getting happier in the real world, his imagination slowly crumbled to dust. Slightly tilting his head, Noah chuckled at Peter’s cowering body and the question in his eyes. 

It was a few minutes before Noah gave Peter the chance to speak. The boy’s vocal cords tightened in his chest and he managed to sputter out a few sensical words. 

“W- Wha- What did I forget?”

Noah reached for his back pocket and took the small fold in knife from the plastic casing. He admired his weapon in the moonlight, the red stained metal from years of use. The grip was worn and weary, but it worked well. Noah turned towards Peter and slowly admired the patience of the boy. Always there to help Noah. That was pretty pathetic don’t you think? The fact that Noah’s friends actually stayed with him no matter how much bullshit he does. Pathetic. Noah brought the knife up to Peter’s face slowly.

“Oh, all the things I could do to y-” Noah never got to finish that sentence as Percy interrupted them. Peter and Noah were facing away from Percy, but the latter brought his knife down to Peter’s throat, a silent command to remain quiet. Percy shuffled back into bed, but Noah didn’t take the knife off of Peter’s neck. 

“DUDE! They’re gonna see us!” Peter was yelling with fear. Noah looked around, wide eyed and panicky, making sure no one had heard Peter. Then he put more pressure on Peter’s throat. The knife was so constricting that any movement, even a word, would kill Peter. The message was clear. “You talk, you die.”

Peter was frozen in fear, which probably was good for him. Noah smirked and moved the knife slightly, causing a small red line to trail after the knife. Peter had obviously forgotten, maybe it was time to remind him. “Peter, did you forget? This is MY world. I can do anything”

“OH MY GOD Peter! DON”T DO IT!!” In the seconds it took to mutter out that sentence, Noah had already transferred the knife to Peter’s hand and woke everybody up. They all ran over to the duo while Peter was still frozen in panic. Noah faked a sob while Percy grabbed the knife out of Peter’s hand. Noah had to make this believable. What would a good best friend do? “I-I really th-thought I would have to s-see him d-d-die!” 

“What the actual fuck dude?” Denise was trying to get Peter out of shock as Noah continued to sob. She was majorly pissed off. “That was so stupid Peter…”

“Yep, suicide is stupid and for fucking emos.” Noah broke character just to deliver that line. He had been waiting all year for a chance to say that. It felt wonderful. When Peter finally came back to the (kinda) real world, he didn’t say anything. He just kind of lowered his head then went to bed, admitting defeat. Noah for once in his life, felt really bad about it. 

Before he went to sleep, Noah whispered something genuine in the direction of Peter. “I'm so sorry.”

Peter however, was already asleep.


	12. Twelve- Reality

It was game night for Kenny and Noah when Broflovski walked through the door. He did still have the key. Immediately after he walked in, he started to pack boxes labeled with his name. He was packing to move out. Forever.

Kenny entered the room after his bathroom break but froze as soon as he saw Broflovski. It dragged him down like an anchor, seeing Broflovski’s items everywhere. No! He couldn’t take them. It hurt seeing his former partner’s belongings everywhere, but it would absolutely crush him if they were gone.

“Noah? Noah, you came back for me?” Kenny’s voice was small, one resembling a small child. Kenny knew Broflovski was never coming back, but there was no bad in asking. In fact, the blonde’s question was enough to halt the angry packing. Broflovski turned around, and as soon as he saw Kenny’s face, his frown faltered. He looked into Kenny’s eyes for what may have been the last time. Irises made of the ocean. Broflovski found himself chuckling at all the stupid romantic things he used to say to Kenny, his own eyes tearing up.

“As blue as an ocean,” Broflovski couldn’t help but whisper it one last time. The packing was done, Noah was almost done making snacks in the kitchen, stupidly unaware of the events in the room adjacent to his very own. Kenny looked down at his feet. He wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t ignorant. There was nowhere for Broflovski to go but out. So he did.

As soon as the door closed, Kenny found himself longing to tell Broflovski about his eyes. Kenny whispered the poem that was never heard by Broflovski. And it would never be heard. “As green as the leaves that would climb so high, then fall so low. Dying every year as winter arose bringing cold and darkness.” 

Kenny collapsed into a ball on the ground as soon as Noah walked in with chips and 7-layer dip (homemade of course). Noah immediately put everything down to assist Kenny. He dragged him onto the beaten down couch and stroked his hair. Noah felt bad. Really bad. Something must’ve happened to Kenny while Noah was having another ‘episode’. That’s what the psychiatrists called them anyways.

Kenny didn’t move much while he was laying on Noah’s lap. He laid there like a cat as he quietly sobbed. Noah didn’t really know what to do. He did spend his life in institutions so you really couldn't blame him. Awkwardly stroking Kenny like a pet, Noah started thinking about the blond boy on his lap. He felt a connection between Kenny and himself. It was so odd, it felt like Noah was in a cheesy romance novel written by some 13 year old girl. Noah needed to make Kenny feel better Broflovski style.

“Ya know Kenny, you and Broflovski technically aren't together anymore…” Noah hinted suggestively at Kenny who lifted his head up revealing tear stained cheeks. “And my name’s Noah too. I'm sure you’ve got a lotta practice with that one”

Kenny blushed and stood up. He walked out the door to his secret spot. This time, Noah didn’t try to stop him, knowing perfectly well what he was going to be doing. It was hours before Kenny arrived back at the house. The boy barely acknowledged Noah on the couch before heading to his room. Noah contemplated heading to his own room, but decided not to. When Kenny came for a snack, Noah finally snapped.

“I'm glad you took the time to say hello!” He yelled at Kenny, who walked with his head down. 

“I'm sorry”, Kenny said quietly, not looking at anything but the ground. He tried not to get into an argument with Noah “I was in a rush”

“Oh a rush. I see. You were to busy to spend hours saying one word to me”

“I'm sorry.”

“No. Don't even say you're sorry because you're not! You never are!”

“I'm sorry Noah!”

“Save it for someone who cares Kenny. Two people leaving you on the same day! I'm sure you'll have plenty of sorrys after that!”

“I'm sorry Noah but I don't know you have to act like a bipolar asshole all the time. There is nothing worse than living with someone you can't control. The only reason you're here is because I wanted to help you, but obviously that was a mistake. Look, you can leave now and go back to your shitty life if you want to”

“Well… Well at least I don't mutilate myself when a little boy breaks my heart!”

Kenny flinched. He took that pretty seriously and started to feel self conscious about his special pastime, his favourite pastime matter of factly. This Noah kid really had no limits. Today his favourite person left him, Noah tried to take advantage of him when he was down, and his favourite thing in the world got insulted. His art.

For the second time that day, Kenny McCormick walked straight out the door.


	13. Thirteen- Fictional

“Bye Peter! We're really gonna miss you!” Robin waves goodbye to Peter one last time before he got sent away to an institution. Peter could deny it all he wanted, but he was spotted trying to commit suicide. His friends waved goodbye as Noah stood behind them regretting everything. 

Deny. Deny. Deny. 

That was the game Noah was playing. He would deny everything Peter asked and if things went to plan, eventually Peter would think it was all a dream. Was it a dream? No. But as long as Peter thought it was a dream, Noah was clear. The group thought it was best to send Peter somewhere he could on suicide watch. Noah didn’t give his input, but no one questioned that. All Noah ever did was stand behind all his friends, using them as a shield from the world, but they could never shield him from the guilt that was eating him from the inside out. Deceiving people, it isn't hard to do, but it's hard to cope with. Every living, breathing second, you have to live with the knowledge that you are creating a morphed reality for someone else. Someone else is suffering because of you. Most people can’t handle it. Noah can. Robin headed over across the street to talk to his grandma.

“Isn’t it sad to see Peter go? I always thought he was the happiest out of us all”, Denise sighed as she watched Peter go.   
“He never cursed much, he never smoked, he never drank, he never got high off his ass”, she glared at Percy while she counted that last one off her fingers.

“Guys.. Something not right!” Robin said holding his phone panicked. He looked over the cars to where his grandmother was formally standing.

“Ya Peter’s not here. Is your memory alright?” Percy gave Robin a raised eyebrow as he continued to worry about his friend.

“No it’s not that. I just had a perfectly normal conversation with my Grandmother.” He looked down at his phone and scrolled up. “I didn’t notice anything weird”

“What’s… What's weird about that?”

“Well according to my mom, my Grandma’s been dead for two months.”, Robin slowly looked up and across where his Grandma was standing. She was still there.

No, Noah thought. This was bad. Very bad. Things aren't adding up. The impossible is happening. His ‘perfect’ world was crumbling to pieces in front of him and nothing could stop that. As Noah starts to get more insane, he slowly loses the ability to control and maintain his world. The laws of physics and biology start to rewrite themselves. The dead walk among us once again. There were multiple ways Noah could stop complete catastrophe. He could regain his full mental capacity. Or he could kill himself. If he died naturally, it wouldn't work. He needed to intentionally kill for this world to thrive. Or you know, be not insane, but for a boy like Noah, that was very difficult.

It hurt. Knowing that he couldn't even get this world right. It was all in Noah’s imagination, but he still managed to mess it up. Noah wasn't happy anymore. He began thinking less and less of himself. He was such a failure that he didn't even use his imagination right! All his friends, he was killing them. If all of this world disintegrated, they would go down with it. 

“Noah! Noah are you alright?” Robin was frantically waving his hands in front of Noah’s face “Noah! What’s going on? We’re kinda freaked out…”

Noah couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak or respond to Robin. It was scary because he tried his best but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move. It felt like he was paralyzed and it looked like the world wasn't moving at the same speed that he was. Noah started to panic as his friends seemed like blurry blobs moving around him in slow motion. Noah tried to shout but with no avail. Random images of suicide bombers danced in his vision, and all at the same time, the bombs exploded and Noah slowly regained his function.

Noah moved around his arms and legs while his friends looked at him concerned. They all tried to speak with him simultaneously and Noah made out as much of their jumbled words as he could. “Dude are you okay?! You looked like you got turned into a statue. And you're so pale!”

“Guys. I need to save you guys. I can’t go insane-!”, somewhere near the end of that sentence, Noah started to creepily smile and cut himself off by maniacally laughing. He laughed so hard that he had to clutch his sides so he wouldn’t fall over. His friends shot yet another concerned look at their counterpart and shrugged at each other. They didn't know what to do. None of them knew what Noah meant by ‘saving them. 

Were they dying? Could they be saved? Noah had passed out long before they got the chance to ask him about his previous statement. Percy sighed. There was nothing they could do but take Noah up to his room to get some rest. Maybe he would say tomorrow.


	14. Fourteen- Reality

Noah didn't know what to do. He hardly ever did. Kenny had left hours ago without giving a single clue of where he was going. Noah knew at the back of his kind where Kenny was, and exactly what he was doing, but he tried his best to block that thought out. Noah didn't really know what he did wrong. True, he spent most of his life without proper human contact but it should be common sense. Were Noah’s people skills actually that bad? Someone would actually prefer sitting out in the cold carving images into their arm to spending time with him? Noah may have seemed cold in the argument but he really did want to change! 

Noah made a plan. As soon as Kenny got back, if Kenny got back, Noah would ask him what he could have done better. Along with a cup of cocoa, Noah would treat Kenny like a king. So focused on his own life and his own problems, Noah never took the time to learn more about Kenny. The hoodie clad blond boy probably had so much of a backstory, Noah couldn’t even imagine what happened to Kenny causing him to act like this. Sometimes, if Noah couldn't sleep, he would lay still in his bed, only to hear muffled sobs in the room next door. Something damaged Kenny greatly, and Noah made it his mission to find what that was. 

Turning on the television, Noah cringed to see that he was on the news. Finally released to the public, Noah was labeled as an ‘escaped mental patient’. He was a hazard to the people around him. It has been a full day since Kenny had gone. 1 day. That's 24 hours. That’s 1440 minutes. That’s -- No. Noah was going to drive himself crazy worrying about Kenny. Why did Kenny mean so much to him? It didn't make any sense. It just didn't add up properly. First of all, Noah was as straight as a ruler… That someone bent… And ran over with their car a few times. Okay, Noah wasn’t straight but he couldn't be attracted to Kenny! It just, it didn’t make sense. None of Noah’s life made any sense. 

Finally, after more days than Noah could keep track of, Kenny stumbled through the door. His eyes were bloodshot and he smelled of alcohol and drugs. Noah had no idea where that came from since Kenny was very underaged. 

“Where the fuck have you been! I have been sitting on this couch for years waiting for you!” Kenny completely ignored him. He had a massive headache, hell he was probably still drunk. He went straight to his room and slammed the door. Noah didn’t know what to feel about that. Kenny obviously had many emotional issues not allowing himself to trust the people around him. Broflovski was gone and Kenny was mad and Noah had no idea what to do with his life.

Noah went through Kenny’s bookshelf trying to find a good book to read, but found nothing. Instead of the novel he was hoping for, Noah’s fingers pulled out a small black journal that was falling apart due to years of wear and tear. The whole thing was filled up with the messy handwriting belonging to Kenny, making Noah wonder is there was a more recent one Kenny still writes in.

Noah couldn’t look for it. He didn’t have it in him to snoop around with Kenny’s things. Maybe he should just go on a walk outside. Yea.. that’s what Noah decided to do. Kenny needed a little more alone time to cool down, and Noah needed to go outside for the first time in forever. It has been a while since he’s escaped the hospital so they should have stopped looking for him by now. The news broadcast completely crossed Noah’s mind. He didn’t remember that people were searching for him.

The air was cool as Noah stood outside. It was a really windy day as the wind blew the leaves from the trees. He sighed quietly. Oh how he missed walking around freely. Most kids would hate to go outside. They would rather stay inside and play video games like vampires. Noah, on the other hand, was very different. After spending so much time inside the institution, Noah found it a luxury to step outside.

Time got away from him as he walked around the unknown neighbourhood. He turned left into what looked like a park. There were acres of empty field and a connected dog park. There was a row of empty benches in this almost abandoned park. Each bench was separated by a floral arrangement. Noah sat down on a far bench and pulled an empty journal from his back pocket. 

May 15.

So I heard writing a journal can be good for you. UGH. Probably not. I swear some dumbasses spend their whole life making up some fake rumours about everything and anything. 

I’ve been told that I'm insane. Many times. Am I? I always feel like a normal person. Am I not a contributing member of society? Am I a hassle to society? I'm sorry! I’m doing everything I can to make people like me. I try so hard everyday but my world is a mess? Why am I insane? Why? Tell me why! Explain to me why! WHY!?

I’m sorry for being such a fuckup

Crap. The fucking pen ran out of ink. Why does that always happen to him? Noah turned around to place his journal back into the little bag he brought. Frustrated, he tossed the pen as far as he could throw it, which of course, is not very far. Stupid pen. 

“You shouldn’t litter”

Noah jumped out of his seat. He looked up eyeing the face the voice belonged to. It was a middle aged man wearing glasses and a doctor's coat. Noah shuddered. It must be a coincidence. 

“Seriously kid, it’s bad for the environment!” The man turned towards Noah then to the pen. He flicked Noah at the side of his head. “Seriously boy! Pick up the damn pen!” 

Noah gave him a nasty glare but still stood to retrieve the pen. He put it in the bag and reminded himself to get rid of the pen later. The man grinned at Noah and smiled. It was pretty creepy if Noah had a say. He started getting up to leave.

“Wait boy! Before you leave can I have your opinion on something?” Noah reluctantly stayed behind and raised his eyebrows at the man. The man took out a small washcloth from his back pocket and lifted it until it was eye level. Noah gulped nervously. What the fuck is happening?

“Boy, does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?”

Noah blacked out.


	15. Fifteen- Fictional

“Guys.. it’s Peter's birthday” Percy signed lightly. It was Peter’s birthday. May 16.

Noah had a tradition of singing a special song to Peter on his birthday. It was to the tune of ‘Blank Space’ by Taylor Swift, but all the lyrics were replaced by ‘oh my god, you’re so gay’

Peter would slap him silly every time but it was definitely worth it. The look on Peter's face every time. The mood of the friend group was pretty shady as they told each other all the fun times they had with Peter. Percy went first. He told them about the time Peter and himself kinda almost died. 

“It was a decently nice day outside but the crew, being them, decided to stay inside and play video games despite the nice weather. That’s the way they ‘rolled’. 

“Dude! This game sucks ass!” Percy groaned in annoyance. Peter nodded his head in a way of saying he agreed. They both put down their controllers to get up and stretch. 

“No way man! This game is bomb-ass-tastic” Noah exclaimed, whatever that meant. “You two losers just go find something else to do. We don’t need your negative remarks influencing our amazing gaming skills.”

Peter snorted in disbelief. Him and Percy decided to go to the new amusement park that opened up a few blocks away. It was great because there was always a huge empty plot of land that would annoy Peter every single time they walked past it. They walked the short walk and eventually saw all the roller coasters in the air. Peter at this point has only been on one roller coaster in his life, and it was a dinky ghostbusters one when he was four. That in no way prepared Peter for what he was about to experience. 

They paid admission like normal people and immediately went to the tallest, fastest ride. Peter didn’t tell Percy about this dilemma because he wanted to be like the cool kids. Peter was nervous, he was more than nervous to go on the ride. It was extremely safe with three sets of wheels so even if one breaks off, it’s still safe. Peter, being Peter, did not know that. 

They got on the ride and strapped in their safety features before the ride started. It began with an extremely high drop that took about two minutes to get to the top of. As they were going up, one of the wheels clicked and fell off. The remaining two were enough to prevent a crash, but Peter didn't know that,  
“Percy! We're gonna die! Oh my god!” Peter shrieked in panic. Percy gave him the weirdest look he could muster up. ‘’Percy! I can’t die now! I Still have so much to live for! Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god!”

As they were about to go down the drop, Peter started mindlessly screaming words. “Percy! You were a great friend but not as good as Noah! I must say, I never liked your attitude much! I'm awfully sad it has to end this way! I could have lived such a better life!”

Needless to say, they survived and Peter ended up embarrassing his ass off. He thought he was facing death right in the face but NOPE! He’s just a little bit dumb.”

“He had such a good life! Why did he find the need to kill himself?” Percy looked at the rest of the faces dumbfounded. Noah looked at his shoes and shrugged. No one thought Noah’s mood was at all suspicious because Peter and Noah were always the closest out of the group.

“That is a pretty good story, but I’ve got a much better one. Have I ever told you guys about the time I had a pickup line contest with Peter?” Robin chuckled a bit to himself. “I never knew that side of Peter existed!”

“Robin was staying with Peter for the weekend were Peter’s parents weren't home. They both researched pickup lines and were prepared to use them like weapons. They decided to have a contest about who has the better pickup lines. Spoilers: Peter wins. He always does. 

“Oi Peter! Open up! You know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material!” Robin was standing outside his friend's house waiting to be invited in. This was going to be a pretty fun weekend. 

Peter facepalmed dramatically. “Hey Robin, I seem to have lost my phone number. May I have yours?”

As Robin was walking over to Peter's room to put his stuff away, he shouted another one, “The doctor says I'm lacking some vitamin U, care to give me some?”

Even only a few lines in, Peter was cringing harder than he ever has before. “Is your dad a drug dealer? Cause you're so Dooooope!

Robin walked out of the bathroom wiping his wet hands on the front of his pants. “You know what Peter? You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line!”

Peter snorted. He’s got this in the bag. “You can’t win with that one! Everyone knows that one! What a joke. But are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!” Peter topped that off with an over dramatic wink. Robin couldn’t help but laugh.

“Peter honey, are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here” Robin said the line so sickly sweet that Peter’s ears almost bled.

“Robin sweetie, I’ve never been to Japan, but I want to get into Japanties!” Peter couldn’t help but grin as he spoke. Robin died. 

“Well you know Peter.. Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!” 

Peter gave him a blank stare. 

“Ugh! Fine, I give up! You win!”

“I got one more Robin.”

“Yes Peter?”

“If I looked up at the stars right now, I could match all the stars I see with the reasons I love you.”

“Awe Peter! There are infinite stars though.. wait but it’s daytime.. there are no stars.”

“Exactly” Peter smirked.

“I quit. You win. Fuck you.” Robin slammed the door on his way out.”

“What a nice guy…” Denise murmured. “My turn!”


	16. Sixteen- Reality

Noah woke up in an all too familiar room. This was the room he always woke up after visiting his alternate world, well that was before he moved in with Kenny. Wait, what was he doing back at the hospital? 

Outside the soundproof walls of the padded room, a couple of familiar faces were having a nice little conversation. 

“So here’s the plan, we gotta break the kid. We gotta convince him that no one in the world loves him. We need to take everything good out of his life and turn him into a vegetable.”, Dr. Saul explained the plan giving a hard glare at Jamie. His arms waved frantically in the air while explaining. 

“What good would that do? How would that benefit Noah’s health?” Jamie looked at Dr. Saul confused. “Isn’t our goal to save him?”

“Not anymore kid. See, I get that you are inexperienced and don’t understand the real world, but this boy is unsavable. We need to render him useless. We don’t actually care about him!”, The doctor smiled. “I would kill the disgrace if I could! I just don’t want it going on my record. You should know I have an excellent record.”

Jamie looked at the cocky man in disbelief. He didn’t care?

“Jake son, our patients don’t really matter, they are just percentages and numbers in my portfolio. Anyways, have you seen the kid? He's one of those disgusting gays”, Dr. Saul rolled his eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Jamie looked at him trying to control his rage. All this time and his teacher still hasn’t bothered to learn his name? Let alone that Jamie was another one of those ‘disgusting gays’. He tried to respond to the doctor as nicely as he could manage. He spat his words through gritted teeth.

“My name is Jami-”

Dr. Saul waved his arm in dismissal as he popped a mint. He started walking towards the padlocked entrance of the room. “Doesn’t matter kid! Let’s just break the excuse for a human.”   
Noah had no choice but to wait for something to happen. After a couple of minutes, the door swung open and the beast appeared. Dr. Saul pulled in a chair and tapped his pen on his clipboard. Behind him awkwardly stood Jamie, looking nervously at the floor. 

“Okay Noah, I’m going to tell you a few things, and you’re going to believe me alright?” Dr. Saul spoke with an obnoxiously loud voice. Noah’s head was still pounding from blacking out.

“Could you please.. Please speak a bit quieter?” Noah didn’t move while speaking and his voice was quiet and weak. 

The ‘expert’ laughed but spoke just as loud. “Sure, what else? Would you also like me to rub your back and call you Stephanie?”

Noah opened his mouth like he was going to make a point but never spoke. Instead he just asked a bland question. “What am I even doing here?”

“Well let’s get straight to the point. I’m here to tell you the truth when no one will.”

“No! No one lies to me!” Noah replied strongly. In fact, it was probably the most energy he's had all day. Dr. Saul just laughed a bitter laugh.

“You know everyone who’s ever said they cared about you? LIES! You know everybody who’s ever said they loved you?” He snuck in a quick chuckle. “LIES! They were all lies! Did you really think anybody would love someone like you? Don’t even get me started on that Kenny kid. He probably lost a bet or something.”

“N-no, they weren’t lying! People care about me!” Noah once again responded, but he wasn’t so sure. Dr. Saul laughed hysterically. This was going to be easy.

“Come on Jack boy! Laugh with me!” He somehow found time in between laughs for words. How Jamie dealt with this everyday, that was far beyond Noah's knowledge. “Come on Noah, we’re only getting started!”

Dr. Saul and Jamie left the room about forty-five minutes later. By the end of it, Noah had tears streaming down his face. It was true wasn’t it. No one actually loved him. No one actually cared for him. He had absolutely no memory of any family but how could he? They abandoned him. They were his family but they didn’t give a shit about him. Noah was drowning in a puddle of his own thoughts and emotions. Every thought hit him with another wave of self hatred. 

At first he was angry, raging with madness. No one ever cared for him. No one ever treated him like a decent human being while Noah did everything in his power to care for other people until he broke. But then he came to a realization. He deserved this. Noah deserved the horrible things that happen to him. He was a disgrace to his family, a burden to his friends, and a laughing stock to the people around him. He deserves to never be loved because he would just be another annoying thing to take care of. 

Sighing and running a hand through his hair, Noah tried to get some rest. It obviously wasn’t going to happen but what's the loss in trying? As he laid against the padded wall, his thoughts once again flooded his body and plagued his mind. Once again, time quickly got away from him as seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. His stomach grumbled as the day turned to the late hours of the night. 

Right on cue, the door swung open and Jamie walked in. Surprisingly, Dr. Saul did not follow. 

In his hands, Jamie had a plate of pretty decent looking food. He set it down in front of Noah but just stood there. Noah looked at him suspiciously.

“I uh.. I didn’t think he would feed you so I snuck in some food”, Noah still just stared at it. “Oh uh, I didn't do anything to it. I promise.”

Slowly, Noah lifted the fork up from the side of the plate and scooped up a decent amount of food. He cautiously brought the fork to his lips and took a bite. He ate slowly at first but eventually started shoving food into his mouth. 

Jamie took the plate with him. Before leaving, he looked Noah in the eye and spoke. 

“I'll get you out kid. Eventually.”


	17. Seventeen- Fictional

So they sat around the circle telling their short little stories about Peter. Once in a while a pretty good one would come up. Denise started telling a story that Noah thoroughly remembered. It was on his eleventh birthday when Peter and Denise tried to make him a cake. Well, it didn’t turn out too well. 

“It’s Noah’s birthday tomorrow… hehe”, Peter had a mischievous look in his eye as he walked into the kitchen of his house. Things never turned out well when Peter looked like that. Man, he’s going to go crazy. 

“What’re you planning this time?” Denise mumbled half asleep on Peter’s couch. She actually made the effort to look up, but was met with nothing but the wall. “Peter! Peter! Peter, did you go invisible again? You need to stop doing that, it’s annoying.”

Peter emerged out of the kitchen with a cookbook. That deeply worried Denise.   
Hey Denise, wanna make Noah a cake for his birthday?”

“No.”

“Please? I found an awesome cake recipe in this whacky book.”

“Uhm, no.”

“But I want to make something for Noah!”

Denise covered her face with a couch cushion. “Nuh! Do it yourself!”

“But.. But.. It’s a peanut butter chocolate ice cream cake!”

Denise didn’t move. “So?”

“PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!!!”

“Ugh fine.”

Denise got up and followed Peter to the kitchen where everything you could possibly need for any sort of food-making was located. Peter was one of those people that bought everything he needed, but never used them. It wasn’t that he had a billion dollars to spend or anything, he just liked to brag about owning a bunch of fancy stuff. Such fun, such fun. 

“How do you even bake an ice-cream cake?” Peter looked at his oven in confusion “Do ovens have like… super powered freeze thingys?” 

Denise looked at him and blinked twice. “Uh Peter.. I think you bake a cake then fill it with ice cream.” 

Peter decided to try and make a peanut butter chocolate cake with peanut butter chocolate ice cream. Denise thought that that was a horrible idea, and that they should just use plain vanilla or chocolate ice cream. Peter pretended she didn’t exist for about a minute so he didn’t have to listen to what she said. In the end, Peter refused to do anything other than his idea, so they started to make a peanut butter chocolate cake, and god bless Peter’s freezer for having peanut butter chocolate ice cream (Like, who has that?).

They made a batter, but it had a few little clumps of peanut butter in it. Other than that it was perfect. The clumps would sort themselves out in the oven anyways. Peter was not satisfied. He stared at the batter in anger, and stuck his hand into the bowl. Denise tried to stop him, but he just threw handfuls of cake batter at her. 

“Jesus Christ calm down!” Denise put her hands up and walked towards Peter. 

“NO!” Peter shouted in a fit of rage. Then, proceeded to throw the bowl at the figure standing in front of him. “It needs to be perfect for Noah!”

Then he stormed out the room. 

“Wow.” Denise murmured to herself. “Rage quit much?”

They ended up not making the cake because it took hours for Denise to wash the batter out of her hair. Instead, they just gave Noah a bowl of ice cream and a couple of stale cookies. 

“Great story wasn’t it?” Denise smiled and looked at her friends who were basically half asleep.

“No. It was not. That was a terrible story.” Percy looked up at the sky. 

“Yea! That story sucked balls!” Robin exclaimed with a look of fake agony on his face. Denise looked around at the other friends. They shared the same look of complete boredom.

“Don’t have to be mean…” Denise looked around hoping to find a way to cheer up the friends. Her eyes landed on Noah. He was always loud and funny. He could make anyone laugh just by looking at them. Apparently not today though.Today he won't even look up far enough for anyone to see what emotion his eyes are radiating. His usual bubbly self was reduced to nothing but a sad, lonely boy.

“Hey Noah bud, got any stories?” Noah didn't move for a second, like he was thinking. Then he quickly, but briefly shook his head to say no. The rest of the circle safely smiled at him as they sat in silence, recalling the memories of Peter. They were treating him like he was dead.

As they were mourning, a boy came up to them. He was scratching his head and he looked confused. 

“Uh, hey.. You guys sure look cheery. I guess.” The boy looked around the circle at the long faces. He looked down at a piece of paper he took out from his back pocket “So can anyone show me where uh, Valley Road is?”

They just looked at him with blank stares. None of them were really a ‘people person’. Usually, Peter would be the one to steer them out of these types of situations. Seeing the look on their faces, the boy started to feel unwelcome. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, starting to walk away.

“I’ll just. I can ask someone else. Thanks. Well it was nice to meet you-”

“Wait!” Percy got up and walked towards the boy. “Valley road is right up ahead. It should be the third street on your right. Nice to meet you! I’m Percy. Sorry about my friends, they’re all pretty dumb.”

“Thanks!” The boy flashed a smile and stuck out his hand. “I’m Ej.”

Noah’s eyes widened. He had a deep gut feeling that he knew this kid. But that wasn’t possible. Noah sucked at making friends.


	18. Eighteen- Reality

Noah remained in the same damn room with the same damn walls in the same damn clothes for days. Everyday, being told the same lies until he believed anything Dr. Saul would tell him. 

Jamie would bring his food every evening and they would talk. Noah would tell him about the life he had with Kenny. Jamie seemed weirdly interested in Kenny. Though talking with Jamie helped Noah feel more connected to his sanity, the little bit of sanity he actually had was being ripped apart by the ‘doctor’ faster than anyone could ever fix it. On the sixth day when Jamie brought in food, he had a smile on his face instead of the seemingly permanent sad expression he always had with the sad boy. 

“Hey Noah, Dr. Saul is going to be at a conference in Denver for the next few days.” Noah’s ears perked and he looked up at the student. “I was thinking.. After he leaves tomorrow, I could actually get you out of here! As long as you keep a low-profile, you should be good!”

Noah’s mouth began to slowly widen, but he quickly shut it when he remembered the thing Dr. Saul had said to him. He let a single tear drip from his eye. Not any more because the world didn’t deserve to see the worthless water that was produced from him.

“Jamie, I can’t. Kenny would never take me back in. If you haven't been listening, he doesn’t really care about being. He was just..” Noah couldn’t say it. It broke Jamie’s heart that such a beautiful boy thought so poorly of himself.

“No, of course Kenny would take you in! He really does love you!” The doctor's assistant shook his head to get the dark hair out of his eyes. “How could someone not love a wonderful person li-”

“Oh my god Jamie! Shut up! I'm sick and tired of people always lying to me! You think i'm wonderful! That’s great but STOP! You’re just wasting your brain space. If I was so ‘wonderful’ and so ‘beautiful’ I wouldn’t have spent most of my life living in mental institutions would I? Huh Jamie? Answer that for me, okay? Okay Jamie?”

Noah met Jamie’s eyes, but looked down quickly. A hand reached out and lightly lifted Noah’s chin up to once again meet Jamie’s eyes. “Noah, you don’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. I think you’re just a beautiful person with some hideous dreams. But you know what? Everyone seemed to like them.”

The brunette boy tilted his head slightly to the side as if questioning what Jamie meant by this. 

“Your dreams. When you told your dreams to the other patients, they all loved the stories you would tell. It would distract them of all the crimes they had committed, the people they have lost, their friends who they would mourn over. Your stories brought them out of the real world, and gave them something to smile about. You were always the centre of attention and you were happy!”

Instead of smiling, Noah felt the need to rip his hair out. Jamie didn’t understand. No one ever did. 

“No. No, I was not happy. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of fucking attention whore! I’m not! New flash! I hate attention. Everyone was expecting stories I didn’t have. It was too much pressure on me! Everyone was expecting things from me that I simply could not do, things that I will never be good enough to do! I wish I was better! Every single night I think of what would happen if I was just good enough!” Tears were streaming down the boy’s face but he couldn't give a single shit anymore. He didn’t have the will to care anymore. Fuck what the world thinks, Noah did not care.

Jamie looked wide-eyed and the sobbing boy with his mouth halfway to the floor. 

“Get out.” Noah demanded calmly, but angrily. Jamie didn’t move.

“GET OUT!”

Jamie nervously jumped to his feet and quickly shuffled out of the room. Now alone, Noah sighed and looked down at his feet. He always drives everyone away.


	19. Nineteen- Fictional

Noah sat on his bed staring at the picture frame on his nightstand. It was Peter, smiling, laughing. He didn’t know Noah possessed such an object, and every time he was invited over, the frame would be hidden deep inside the closet. 

There was never a real reason for the frame to sit there. And why Peter out of everybody? Noah had no fucking clue, but it made him feel protected, safe. But now Peter was gone and the worlds were crumbling. Noah could barely tell the difference between the real one and the fictional one, hell, most of the time he didn’t know which one was which. 

Percy had told him to go to bed and it would all be better the next day. Noah couldn’t sleep. He didn’t know why he was expecting to be able to sleep, he could never sleep any other night either. He swung his legs over the bed, no not swung, it was more of a drag. He pulled his tired body over to the bathroom. When the lights turned on, Noah’s eyes tightly shut, afraid of the image that would appear in the mirror. There was never a time where he could stand the look of his own face staring back at him.

A deep breath echoed around the room as Noah tried to muster up the courage to open his eyes. 

3...  
2...  
1..!

Noah forced his eyes open as hard as he could. Nothing. He just didn’t have the will to do it. He let a hand cover his face, trying not to cry. How pathetic would this look to anybody who walked into the room? Then he thought of Peter. Peter was confident, he had absolutely no trouble with looking at himself in the mirror. Peter wasn’t a loser. Slowly, Noah’s eyes started to open. 

No. It wasn’t right. The person in the mirror just didn’t look alright. There was something very wrong with him, but Noah just couldn’t put his finger on it. 

A slight thud was all the noise created when Noah slid down the bathroom wall, onto the floor. He was about to fall asleep when he heard a noise. 

“Kenny”  
Freaked out, Noah looked around, but spotted nothing. He blinked a few times and slowly started drifting off into dreamland. Noah’s dreams weren’t much better than this world he lived in, but at least he could skip to the morning if he slept. Sleeping is like the poor man’s way of time travel if you think about it. Right before he fell asleep, he heard the name ring out once again. 

“Kenny”

He whipped his head around looking for the source. Then he raised his fingers to his lips. It was him. It was these lips that were creating these strange noises. It was the owner of these lips who was so desperate for Kenny’s touch. But he can’t. This isn’t the right world. If they mix, who knows what could happen. Kenny’s name, it’s already the first strike. What if Noah dies when they merge? Oh god! Is he dying? 

Shaking his head, Noah climbed into the slower and sat cross legged at the bottom. He didn’t even bother to turn on the water. He had absolutely no energy to spend stripping off his clothes. It’s not like he liked his body. 

Ah screw it. Noah turned on the shower, letting the cold water pour atop his head and drench his clothes. It didn’t feel good, didn’t feel bad, it just felt wet. Not a good wet, nor a bad wet. Just. Wet. 

Could he even feel emotions anymore? Probably not to be honest. Feeling is too difficult. Noah thought about his day. It almost didn’t seem real. He couldn't remember most of it while the parts he could remember were fuzzy. What day is it even? Monday? It could be Thursday. It doesn’t really matter now. 

With his head down and the water on, Noah fell asleep. The water poured a ring around his head, making a safe little bubble of air. That bubble was like Peter. 

-

When Noah woke up, the cold water was still running. 

ACHOO

Goddammit.


	20. Chapter 20- Reality

Jamie, that dumbass came back into Noah’s room. Who the hell comes back after they completely yelled at and humiliated someone? Fucking Jamie does. As soon as he walked in, he offered a strong arm in the general direction of Noah. 

“Come on, we’re getting out of here.” Jamie flashed a friendly smile 

Noah didn’t take his hand. It’s not that he didn’t trust Jamie, it was just that… He didn’t trust Jamie. Dr. Saul was horrible, maybe Jamie was just part of his elaborate plan. Maybe if he tried to escape with Jamie, they would know that they didn’t break him enough. At this point, Noah was so fucking paranoid that he wasn’t thinking logically anymore. He reached for Jamie’s hand and used it to hoist himself onto his feet. 

“Let’s go!”

A breath of fresh air felt great in Noah’s lungs. He led Jamie over to Kenny’s place. When they swung the door open, they immediately saw two boys lying lazily on the worn out couches, watching TV. One was Kenny, but the other was unfamiliar. As soon as they walked in, Kenny waved. Maybe he wasn’t mad anymore! That’s great. Noah cleared his throat, but the other boy did nothing but flip them off. 

“Excuse my friend” Kenny said while standing and walking over to them. “This is Craig. He’s from my hometown. We went to elementary school together.

Craig looked up for a second. He wore a crooked blue earflap hat, revealing dark locks underneath. “Sup?”

Noah cringed at his voice. It was flat and monotone, with no real emotion behind it. Craig’s phone beeped, and the boy reached into his back pocket to retrieve it, lifting up his hips in the process. “Tweek’s on his way. He stopped for coffee”

Kenny rolled his eyes. “Of course he did.”

Taking off his shoes, Noah stared at Kenny, awaiting an explanation. Kenny looked over at Craig, who was fixated on the television. Kenny mouthed his words at the two boys at the doorway. “Tweek is his boyfriend.”

“Goddammit. Is everybody in this world gay? Seriously? What is this?” Noah sprouted out. Oh shit. That was supposed to be in his head. He nervously looked around the room at the different facial expressions. Well, except for Craig. He was still watching TV. Suddenly, the door opened behind them quickly. A blond boy walked into the room, slightly twitching his right eye. 

“Tweek.” Craig huffed exasperated. “You're late. Again!”

The boy let out a little yelp, twitching his hand, splashing coffee out from the paper cup in his hands. “GAH! I'M SORRY!!”

Craig patted the spot beside him on the couch. Little particles of dust flew right out of it. “Come Tweek! Come sit with me!” 

Tweek took a couple of steps forward and looked at the television in disgust. “What the fuck are you guys watching? Ah! It's so weird!”

Craig looked at Tweek with a confused look. “What dude? What’s wrong with what we’re watching? I find it perfectly civilized for grown men to bake their own vomit into cakes.”

Tweek wrinkled his nose and started making his way into the kitchen. The sound of closing cabinets was then heard throughout the kitchen. “Gah! You guys don’t have coffee!” 

Noah and Jamie barely had time to give each other odd looks before Tweek came running past them, out the door. Probably to get some coffee. 

Craig sighed and got up. He retrieved his coat from the closet and walked through the already open door. Kenny patted the couch next to him. “Come on guys. Sit!”

Noah ran over to the couch and just laid there, sprawled on the empty space. Well, there wasn’t any empty space after he got there. Jamie gave an odd expression and walked slowly over to the couch. He looked back and forth at the two boys, expecting them to make room for him. They did not. Huffing a sigh of annoyance, he plopped himself down on Kenny’s lap. 

The TV was still playing, but Noah wasn’t paying much attention. His eyes were focused on Jamie and Kenny. Even though space had been made, Jamie still opted to sit down on Kenny’s lap. Something stirred inside Noah’s stomach. What was it? Anger? Disgust? No. No way. He couldn’t believe it when he realized what it was. Noah was jealous. 

“Uh Noah? Noah?” Kenny waved his arm back and forth in front if the boy’s face. Noah blinked a couple of times. 

“Wuh..?” Unable to form coherent words, he just looked at the boy with a questioning look. What did he want now?

“Well if it’s okay, I’m going to show Jamie around this place. Feel free to do whatever you want! If you want, the TV remote is.. Uh” Kenny looked around the room trying to locate the remote. He then proceeded to shove his hand under the cushion of the couch. “Aha. It’s here if you need it.”

They left before Noah could say anything. Not knowing what to do, he took the remote and flipped through the channels. Then he did that again. And again. And again. 

Not knowing what to do, he got up to go to the bathroom. The door handle got a bit stuck, probably half locked from the last time Kenny used it. Inside the bathroom was Kenny. Now, that wouldn’t usually be a problem, but it was made into one when Noah spotted Jamie extremely close to him.

“Oh hell no!” Noah screamed and flipped his arms up. He slammed the door and slid down against it, on the other side of Kenny and Jamie. Hushed voices were soon heard from the bathroom. 

“Why didn’t you lock it!” Kenny was trying to be quiet, but it wasn’t working so well for him. 

“I did lock it!” Jamie’s inside voice wasn’t much better. Perhaps neither of them passed kindergarten. 

“OH YEA! So that’s why it wasn’t locked” There was a moment of silence until a small voice was heard. 

“I like you a lot Kenny.” Oh what the hell?

“I like you too”

Noah facepalmed and checked the time. What the flipping flopping hell? They’ve known each other for 53 minutes and 17 seconds, and this shit happens? This is ridiculous, even for the slut boy who is Kenny. 

The door opened and Noah jumped up onto his feet. 

“Oh hey Noah! It really is a beautiful day isn’t it?” Jamie remarked at the distressed boy. 

“Humph. You guys sure are real cheery aren't you?” Noah grumbled at the pair. 

“What can I say?” Kenny exclaimed. “I give really good tours!”

Jaime nodded. “Really good tours.”

Oh. Hell. No.


	21. Chapter 21- Fictional

Noah was lying on the couch located in Percy’s room. Percy was trying to take care of him. Trying. He wasn’t the most caring person out there. He was currently receiving the silent treatment from the sick boy on the couch. It’s not like he did anything bad, he just made fun of Noah every time he spoke. It was quite funny when the boy tried to speak with a stuffy nose. Imagine a seal and an octopus-lobster thing. That’s kind of like what Noah sounded like when he was sick. 

“Percy!” Noah screamed, maybe he was finally going to apologize for acting like a five year old. 

“What.” Percy looked at the sick boy on the couch. “Do you have something to say to me?”

“I forget.” As soon as the words left Noah’s mouth, Percy stepped towards the nearest wall so he could bang his head against it. 

Percy walked towards the kitchen, leaving Noah on the couch. Noah had such a shitty immune system. His lymph nodes were swollen, his throat was sore, and his tonsils were emitting this weird tonsil-juice. He was non stop coughing and did nothing but sleep, and piss off Percy. 

“Percy! I remember now!” Noah lit up as the thought came back to him. Footsteps walked towards the couch as Percy made his way over. 

“Yes? What is it?” Percy seemed a little annoyed, but he still listened to what Noah had to say. 

“Can you get me some juice? Thanks buddy!” Percy looked at him. Then continued to look at him. There were footsteps back to the kitchen. 

The refrigerator opened, revealing multiple different juice beverages. Percy was forced to scream across the room to ask for the shorter boy’s preference. “Apple, orange, or grape?!?! OH WAIT. I don’t care!”

Despite being sick, Noah still furrowed his eyebrows. Was that supposed to be Percy’s way of getting back? While texting, he did this thing where he would act like he had really dark thoughts by talking about killing babies. It was really weird because it lasted way too long, and he didn’t seem to realize when his friends were really not impressed. Silly Percy, someone had to tell him how cringey his dead baby speeches were someday. 

From the kitchen, Percy filled a glass half full with grape juice, then put it back in the fridge. Then, he took out some cough syrup, hoping it would put the sick boy to sleep. He filled the glass up full with the cough syrup. He rummaged the drawer with the single chopstick he owned. He originally bought a pair, but he got pissed at the world and snapped one of them. When he finally found the chopstick, he vigorously stirred in the syrup with the juice, making the sound of bamboo clanking against glass. 

“Soup’s up!” Percy yelled as he brought the darkened glass of grape juice towards the sick boy lying across the couch. Noah graciously reached for it, and took a huge sip. He swallowed it before he got the chance to revolt at the odd taste. 

“Yeugh, what is this?” Noah sniffed it and took another cautious sip. “I dunno, I kinda like it”

Percy snorted. “Just a new brand, don't worry about it”

Percy sat right at the foot of the couch and waited for the syrup to kick in and put Noah to sleep. 

Half an hour later, and Noah was definitely not asleep. He seemed, well the opposite really... Kind of like he was high or something. Did Percy use too much syrup? 

“Percy! My beeesssstt friieeenndd!!” Noah slurred his words and waved his arms around frantically as he was talking. “I need to tell you a story!!”

Percy blinked a few times at the boy before letting him proceed. “Okay then. Uh, what's your story?”

Noah giggled before telling his story. Yea that’s right. He fucking giggled. “Well yesterday, I was all sad and gloopy right? So like, I was looking in the mirror, trying to figure what was wrong with the way I look.”

Percy frowned. “What’s wrong with the way you look? I think you look fine. There’s nothing you need to change!”

Noah looked utterly pissed and shot Percy an extremely dirty look. “Excuse me, who’s story is this? Now shush peasant, and let the princess tell her story!”

“So like, I was doing that thing girls do where they poke their faces, and suddenly they know things about themselves. And then I realized that I am a girl!!” Noah gave a huge smile and looked at Percy. “The end!”

Percy stared, and stared, and stared. “Okay.. Let's get you to sleep now”

Noah pouted, but nevertheless, he slept.

Rip Noah.


End file.
